Learning the Art of Release: One of Life’s Most Valuable Lessons.
You can care deeply and still choose to walk away.
I have one of those careers where, when you meet someone for the first time and they ask what you do, it’s tempting to dodge the question or, at the very least, give a vague response like, “I teach college students." The next question that usually comes is, “Oh, what do you teach?” When I tell them psychology, some people can find it intimidating. They usually assume I am analyzing them. The truth is, whether or not I have the degrees, I would be analyzing them. It’s my personality and who I’ve always been.
Another common assumption people make is that because I am a psychologist, I must have all the answers to life’s issues and not have any personal struggles of my own. Really–that’s like assuming a doctor will never get sick or a dentist will never get a cavity.
The truth is we are all broken in our own ways and have our own journeys. The key difference is, whether or not we are choosing to remain in our brokenness. Choosing to put in the work to become your best self is not the easy choice but it is so rewarding!
One of the most valuable insights into becoming your best self is understanding your strengths and weaknesses. The earlier in life you can discover them, the better. I’ve spent 24 years working with college students from ages 15-90 and I stand amazed at how many people do not know what their strengths and weaknesses are.
Typically, we are better at defining our weaknesses. It’s the strengths we struggle to identify the most. I believe it’s because we don’t realize these traits are special because they are so close and come easily. So, pay attention when people compliment you and tell you what your best qualities are. Those are clues to your strengths and ultimately your purpose.
The people who know me best would tell you one of my strengths is that I am very loyal. I am actually loyal to a fault. As a psychologist, I appreciate loyalty as a strength, however, I also understand how detrimental that particular personality trait can be in unhealthy relationships.
One of the greatest lessons in life any of us can learn, especially if loyalty is one of your strengths, is what I call The Art of Release. Healing isn’t always about fixing—it’s often about releasing.
When you are loyal, releasing people will not come easily. It feels like a betrayal. It feels like you are giving up and a loyal person doesn’t give up easily. Loyal people are fighters, encouragers, cheerleaders.
When you step away from a relationship dynamic, you're not giving up on them, you are releasing them. So, give yourself permission to release people when their behavior is causing harm, and they’ve shown you they aren’t willing to do the work to break unhealthy patterns.
Releasing someone forces them to sit with the consequences of their actions. For some, that discomfort may lead to reflection and growth. If they choose to do that inner work, the relationship might one day be restored. But that depends on their willingness, not just your hope. This is a decision they and only they can make.
Walking away doesn’t mean you don’t care. Rather, you are releasing them back to their own journeys and ultimately their choice to remain in their brokenness or do the work to become the best version of themselves. If you think about it, it’s the greatest gift we can give someone.
Until next time,
Jenn ❤️
P.S. If you know someone who might need a gentle reminder that release can be healing, feel free to share this with them. We are all in this together!